They blast through even though I
Had stuffed them down, down the list and
It’s too late to Pause or Stop or Next them
Because your face is all I see.
I remember spouting the lyrics at you
With superhuman speed and you
Smiling even though you didn’t want to be
Impressed and me secretly jumping so high because
Your appreciation was a rare drug
I’d gotten addicted to.
And yet you couldn’t just let me
Inhale it as much as I wanted to so
You withdraw that smile as fast as
Rain sprints from the sky and
You were once again telling me
I was no good.
I would never be.
I could catch the very stars in my hands
And show you how charred my flesh was and
You would say it meant nothing
If I could not hold the sun instead.
And to prove you wrong,
To make you see me as more than just Nil,
I’d try. I’d reach out for the sun,
Ignoring the blistering heat
And the searing fire it emanated,
And I would stretch my heart, my hands, my life
Just to take it so you would know.
Always so you would know.
But deep down we both knew
It was an impossibility of the worst kind
And yet when I had to come crawling back
To you, my head hanging lower than gravity,
Your lips would curl into that
confidence-crushing smirk and I’d turn away,
Not able to stand the scorn in your black eyes.
And I’d hide in the corner, silently
Waiting for you to throw me the discarded bones
Of your fleeting attention span
When you deigned see me,
Cloaked in my Vicously Uglifying Invisibility.
The tempo gets louder,
The words mesh together,
Their voices soar higher,
And my heart beats faster,
Because you still have a claim
On that soft, unfrozen part.